Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Survivor Sleep Method

I heard once, or perhaps I read that the older you get the less sleep you need.  That's not to say that I am old.  But I have come to believe that it may be true.  I seem to have gotten into the habit of waking up at the crack of dawn no matter what time I go to bed.  I like getting up early but sometimes I would rather not be up and about when it is still dark outside and the moon is still shining brightly in the night sky.
So....I have developed a method to help me get to back to sleep.  Counting sheep has never worked for me, I need something a little more active.    So, here it is.  I call it "Survivor, Get Yourself Back To Sleep".
This is what I do.  I play out the scenario in my head.  Sometimes I get so tired winning all the challenges and making nice that I fall asleep right in the middle of tribal council. I imagine myself as a player in the game  of Survivor.  I am the player that everyone loves, you know the one, right?  I am super survivor (without the cocky attitude).
I get up and start the fire in the morning, I go and hunt for food, and I can even catch fish (eat your heart out Ozzie).  I am the go-to gal when someone needs to vent or when they need to tell someone  a secret.  They know I am a good secret keeper.  My tribe mates know that I am a good listener and I will always give sage advise.
Oh, and I am on Coach's team (at least this season).  I like Coach, don't ever call him Benjamin (he'll knock your teeth out--he said so).  He really is a nice guy despite his weirdo outward persona.  I think he's just lonely and misunderstood. 
I am the ultimate survivor, the one who leads her tribe to victory after victory in every challenge.  They need me and they know it.  But, oh no, there is talk about the MERGE.  We think it might be today, everyone is on edge.
We go to the challenge and, through no fault of mine! we lose.  One of us is going to have to go to Redemption Island.  I'm not especially worried, after all, my tribe needs me, like I said.  We plod on back to camp, a little down hearted and as far as I can see no one is huddling together to strategize.
Oh no, time to go to tribal council.  We gather our torches and start off for tribal council.  Jeff is sitting, waiting for us.  He begins to ask all of his provocative questions that he is so famous for, trying to get us to turn on each other.  I'm still feeling pretty good.
Jeff calls for the vote.  One by one we go up to cast our vote.  Once we are all sitting again Jeff takes the lid off of the little ballot thingy and starts counting the votes.  Sherry, Sherry, Shari (who the heck is she?), Sherry.  The Eight person voted off.  No way,   I've been blindsided.  I can't believe it, but at least I leave knowing that I don't have two immunity idols in my pocket.  I get up and take up my torch and Jeff snuffs it out.  My life is over.  Well, my tribal life is over because, after all, fire is life.
As I leave I turn and smile sweetly at my former tribe mates.  I tell them no hard feelings. All the while I am plotting my revenge.  I leave them with that look that says I understand ( you rotten little backstabbers).  I tell them good luck and hopefully I will see you again.
Now I leave and start my long, lonely walk to Redemption Island.  Man, it's scary out there.  It's dark and there are a lot of creepy noises and I want to run but I know the cameraman is right behind me so I walk confidently away.
I find my way to Redemption Island and who should I see?  Ozzie.  Oh crap.  That's okay, I'm Super Survivor.  I can beat him.  He probably hasn't eaten in five days and is weak. 
This is where my screen goes dark.  I'm saving the rest of the story for the next time I wake up too early. 

1 comment:

  1. Mom, you're a super fan. I think you need to put together a video entry for the next survivor- you would be awesome, and I would be happy to help you train.