Thursday, January 19, 2012

Uh Huh

This has been the extent of my conversations (with a very brief respite when I actually spent some time with an adult) thus far today:  uh huh, that's great, yes, okay, it's so pretty, do you have to go to the bathroom?, no, you can't feed the dog your nutella sandwich, uh huh, yes, no, yes, no.
Today it's been my complete (except perhaps for the lack of three syllable words) pleasure of having my two most talkative grandchildren spend the day with me.  I adore them, but man can they talk.  And there is no way you can ignore them or just nod your head, that just wouldn't be nice.  So I respond to everything they say to me and hope I responded in the right way.  I think I need a nap!

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Remote and The Man

I adore my husband,  you should all know him.  He is funny - funny to me, weird to others, he is generous to a fault, he's very smart and he's the hardest worker that I know.
However.....I rue the day that he discovered the remote control all those many years ago.
There are two things that my husband is not. One, he is not electronically inclined (I know, I have no room to talk) and two, he has very little patience.
He holds the remote control and points it at the tv and he thinks that because the remote is pointed at the tv it should be doing what he wants it to do.  When the remote does not do what he wants it to do he rants that the stupid remote never works right.  It used to drive me nuts.  Now I just ask him to let me try and I do it with a smile on my face and and laughter begging to spew out of my mouth.  Now, I know that the remote is not working  for him because he is pressing the wrong button, but there is no telling him that because he knows that he is pressing the right button.
Well, when he hands me the remote and I press the "right" button and it actually works, I simply say, "sometimes it takes the receiver a little bit of time to catch up to the button".  Now, you and I know that makes no sense, but....he seems to like my explanation so I think I'll just keep using it (with a smile on my face).

Testing, 1,2,3, Testing

I know that this picture of Nurse Ratchet seems somewhat random, but when I wrote my blog the other day I had one heck of a time getting her picture attached.  In case you couldn't tell before, I'm sure you will be convinced now that I am really stupid, yes I said the S word, when it comes to computers.  I  have finally gotten brave enough to play around without being too afraid that I'm am going to damage the computer beyond repair.  So far, so good.  But, honestly sometimes it's takes me days to figure something out or remember how I did something yesterday, when yesterday it seemed so easy.  My daughters try to help me but I think they have finally decided that I am way beyond whatever help they can give me.  You know that saying, in one ear and out the other?  I am the epitome of that.  But, alas, I got my picture of Nurse Ratchet,  AKA Maggie, to make an appearance on my blog.  Hope you feel she was worth the wait (and the headache).  Oh, and by the way, Maggie doesn't smoke!  She's got the evil eye down pretty well though.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Hazard Foods

I think I was born to be a grandma.  It's my calling.  Each one of my nine grandchildren is a piece of my heart.  I would do anything for any one of them....except......
Our youngest grandchild is Aiden.  Aiden is 8 months old and the son of our youngest child.  Our youngest child and his wife are great parents, he is always overly cautious and she is very laid back, a perfect match.
This is where I have to apologize to our children, especially our youngest.  Unfortunately he got a lot of my traits.  He is a worrier, he worries about everything that could possibly go wrong.  If he calls his dad and me and we don't answer and we haven't told him that we were going someplace then the reason we don't answer is simple....we have been victims of a home invasion robbery and at this very moment we are being held at gunpoint by a deranged escaped felon.  We are tied up to kitchen chairs with twine that the robber found in the junk drawer.  We are gagged with neckties from the closet.
Our youngest picked up this trait from me after hearing the story of what has come to be known in our house  as "the marble incident".  Just thinking of "the marble incident", even 36 years later sends shivers down my spine.  That is definitely a story for another blog.  Because of this devastating event in our home my children were not allowed to eat raw vegetables until they were 12 years old.  That's not all they were not allowed to eat, here's a partial list of banned foods in our home, carrots, grapes, hot dogs, definitely hot dogs,  nuts, marshmallows, because, as I'm sure you are aware, they expand and get ginormous on their way down your throat.
So, why were they banned, you ask.   Duh!  The are choking hazards.
Choking, that's one of the paranoid traits that my sweet son was so lucky to get from me.  Again, I need to tell him that I am so sorry.
Any of our grandchildren who come to our house and are eating something, anything really (and honestly, I'd just prefer not to feed then anything but maybe fruit least they're healthy, right?) know the routine.  They are not allowed to eat unless I am right there to "protect" them from the choking foods.  The routine goes like this,  first cut up your food, I don't care if it's a raisin, into teeny, tiny, little pieces.  Chew your food until it resembles baby food,  no, that's not enough, chew some more.  They prefer to have Grandpa give them lunch, can't imagine why.
My fear of choking is why I was horrified when Aiden's mom brought him over for the day along with a bag of sliced apples.  Holy Cow, apples?  I can't feel feed him apples, he'll choke.
Now, she feeds him apples all of the time, he gnaws at them and he doesn't choke.  His mom knows what she is doing and I know that, but it doesn't make me feel any better about ME feeding him apples.
And I do know for a fact that he will NOT choke on my watch.  He won't choke because I have a stash of baby food in my pantry.  And when Aiden's mom brings him snacks over, like crackers or apples I eat them myself and just keep quiet.  I will probably do that until Aiden is old enough to rat me out.
Deceitful, you say.  Maybe.
Safe and hazard free?  You betcha!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My Own Nurse Ratchet

My husband and I were talking about our grandchildren just before we went to bed tonight and it got me thinking about something our 10, almost 11 year old grandson said to me the other day.
My dad is currently living in a nursing home where my mom visits him everyday and spends time with him.  He has been quite ill after suffering unexpected effects from hip surgery, but he is getting better.  For quite a while after I would speak to my mom and hear her reports on how my dad was doing I would hang up and cry.  It made me so sad to think of him in any way other then the way I have known him all my life, strong and capable.
Well, Ty (the 10 almost 11 year old) and I  were in the car on the way home from school on Monday and out of the blue he tells me, "Grandma, when you get old I'm never going to put you in a nursing home".   I was so touched by that and at the same time tried so hard not to laugh.  This whole ordeal with my dad's health issues has affected him deeply.  He has a very tender heart.
So, as of now I have two grandchildren who are going to look after me in my old age.  Maggie, who is my Nurse Ratchet, and I mean that in the most positive light possible.  Maggie is a smart, no nonsense girl who will not only take good care of me but she will also keep me laughing even as she is bossing me around and telling me what to do and what not to do.  There's not arguing with her because she knows what's best, I'm going to have to trust her on this.
Tylor is a whole other story.  He's going to be the one sneaking me in Zingers and telling me every detail about the last movie he saw or the book he read.  Believe when I tell you that he will leave no detail to the imagination.  It will be as if I had seen the movie or read the book.  He will be the one holding  my hand while Maggie is shoving medicine down my throat.
Every family needs a Maggie, she is the best.  And every family needs a Tylor, together I think they may keep me alive for a very long time (like it or not!).

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Pets: Who Needs Them?

I'll tell you who needs pets....everyone.  I just finished reading my daughters blog and she related how her dog Ralph got into an entire box of See's Chocolates.  Poor dog.  Poor Erin, no more chocolates for her.  Ralph, the dog, is fine.  I think he started feeling better after "ralphing" all over himself, Erin's bed, and poor Lulu, the chocolate (ha ha) lab.
Then this afternoon I'm talking to my sister, who has two Shitzus.  Really sweet dogs.  My sister was telling me about her trip to the groomer.  Apparently this dog is so spastic that the groomers refused to service her until she was under the influence of sedatives.  So, Kathy, my sister, had to take the dog to the vet to get her sedated.  According to the groomer, it didn't help.  I don't think the dog will be returning.
Now, my little incident.  We have two dogs and three cats.  Two of our cats stay mainly outside but the newest one is strictly an inside cat.  She's really pretty, but still a kitten.  So she's very playful and tries to run outside every time the door is opened.  On Sunday one of our son's dogs came down to visit, our kitten, Millie, doesn't like any dogs but her own.  
Millie had run outside earlier and she refused to come inside.  When she saw a dog that didn't belong to her she panicked and ran inside the mudroom and on top of the freezer, unbeknownst to us.  We would go out and call her and try to get her to come in but all we heard was a faint meow that made us think that she was under the porch, hiding.  Well, we had to go so we figured we could coax her in when we got home.
We got home late in the evening and called and called and heard an even fainter meow.  I saw the light bulb go on over Steve's head and he decided to look behind the freezer.  Sure enough, the cat had slid clear across the top of the freezer and landed head down behind it.  She had been hanging there for hours.
Poor little thing was shaking and had peed and pooped on herself but I was afraid to try to clean her up in case she was hurt.  So I bundled her up, made sure she had food and water and put her in a basket to sleep until morning. 
Well, I checked on her about every hour and after a couple of hours she started to give me this look.  It said, how could you have been so dense.  I called and called and you never came for me.  The look she gave me was total disdain.  Steve says it was my imagination, but I don't think so.
In the morning she's feeling much better, so I give her a bath.  She's clean and shiny and she smells good, but she still won't have anything to do with me.  She sits on Steve's lap and sneaks a nasty look at me every once in a while.  For now I am not her friend, but she'll come around when Steve's off working and I'm the only one home to feed her!

Monday, January 9, 2012

TV Viewing Supiority

Don't let the title of this post put you off.  I only felt superior in my tv viewing for one short night, and not even a whole night.
My husband and I had our 8 month old grandson yesterday, he is soooo cute.  We took him to church with us and at the end of the day took him home to his own crib, he sleeps much better at home.
Anyhow, we are generally there for several hours before our daughter-in-law gets home so we plop ourselves in front of the tv and see what's on.
You should keep in mind that my tv viewing is not terribly discriminating, I watch a huge variety of stuff.  I love all the shows with the Cajun swamp people who you can only understand because they close caption their conversations.  I love the horrible hoarding shows where you have to make sure you don't have a ham sandwich or any type of food in your hand while you are watching.  I love the "housewives", not all of them, but most.  The shows where they take teens to jail to scare the crap out of them, love em.
So, it may baffle you when I tell you that after seeing what was on the DVR at my son and daughter-in-laws house I felt a twinge of superiority.  You know, that feeling when you say to yourself, how can they possibly watch that garbage?  Never seen Jersey Shore, it was on the DVR.  So we watch a couple of minutes before we could stand it no more.  Then we flipped over to Khloe and Kim (or somebody) take New York.  Oh my goodness, don't those girls have anything better to do with their lives?
Well, I have decided that we all have our guilty pleasures, who am I to judge someone else's tv viewing.  I won't if you won't!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year Quote

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with our neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man (or woman)"
Benjamin Franklin

Desperate For A Haircut

I wear my hair very short, I love it very short.  And as anyone with short hair can tell you, the minute you can feel the back of your hair on your collar it's past time to get a haircut.
Now, I have been going to the same girl for a lot of years.  We started out together at Cost Cutters (I don't like to spend much on my haircuts!).  Then I followed her over to her own shop in town.  My haircutting girl's name is Alicia.  She is from Columbia.....a Columbia that you couldn't pay me to visit.  I'm not sure what part of Columbia she grew up in but I do know that it's the part with a lot of corrupt officials and a lot of drug cartels, at least I think that's what she said.  She has a very thick accent and I am not good with accents.  So I have to listen very hard when she talks and that is the entire time she is cutting my hair. So she could actually be from the part of Columbia where there are a lot of  colorful offices and a lot of bug cartons.  I'm not really sure.
The thing is, she does not take appointments.  It's all walk in.  Well, whenever I walk in she is never there.  So Friday was the last straw.  I was going to a family party Friday night and I felt like I looked, I don't know, maybe matronly?  I feel younger when my hair is cut short I guess.  So I drive into town way past the time that Alicia says she opens for business and guess what?  Again, no Alicia.  So I sit in my car for a few minutes trying to decide if I want to hang around town and hope she shows up.  Well, I don't.  I had things to do. 
I get on the phone and call my daughter.  My daughter cuts her husbands hair all of the time, so I ask if she is willing to cut  mine.  She's a little nervous but very willing to do it, so I drive on out and sit in the "haircutting" chair while she gets out the implements, meaning scissors and stuff.
The process takes about an hour or so and I come away with a fantastic haircut.  I LOVE it.  I have always said that Alicia is the only one who cuts my hair exactly as I want it cut every time.  But  that's no longer the case.
I have to tell you, though, that before Rachel agreed to cut my hair she told me that her husbands father would probably be glad to cut my hair.  After all he recently took the clippers to his wives hair and when I saw her at Christmas her hair looked great. However, before that time she was wearing a wig to hide the haircut for about a month.  I declined the offer.  I don't own a wig.