Sunday, January 15, 2012

Hazard Foods

I think I was born to be a grandma.  It's my calling.  Each one of my nine grandchildren is a piece of my heart.  I would do anything for any one of them....except......
Our youngest grandchild is Aiden.  Aiden is 8 months old and the son of our youngest child.  Our youngest child and his wife are great parents, he is always overly cautious and she is very laid back, a perfect match.
This is where I have to apologize to our children, especially our youngest.  Unfortunately he got a lot of my traits.  He is a worrier, he worries about everything that could possibly go wrong.  If he calls his dad and me and we don't answer and we haven't told him that we were going someplace then the reason we don't answer is simple....we have been victims of a home invasion robbery and at this very moment we are being held at gunpoint by a deranged escaped felon.  We are tied up to kitchen chairs with twine that the robber found in the junk drawer.  We are gagged with neckties from the closet.
Our youngest picked up this trait from me after hearing the story of what has come to be known in our house  as "the marble incident".  Just thinking of "the marble incident", even 36 years later sends shivers down my spine.  That is definitely a story for another blog.  Because of this devastating event in our home my children were not allowed to eat raw vegetables until they were 12 years old.  That's not all they were not allowed to eat, here's a partial list of banned foods in our home, carrots, grapes, hot dogs, definitely hot dogs,  nuts, marshmallows, because, as I'm sure you are aware, they expand and get ginormous on their way down your throat.
So, why were they banned, you ask.   Duh!  The are choking hazards.
Choking, that's one of the paranoid traits that my sweet son was so lucky to get from me.  Again, I need to tell him that I am so sorry.
Any of our grandchildren who come to our house and are eating something, anything really (and honestly, I'd just prefer not to feed then anything but maybe fruit least they're healthy, right?) know the routine.  They are not allowed to eat unless I am right there to "protect" them from the choking foods.  The routine goes like this,  first cut up your food, I don't care if it's a raisin, into teeny, tiny, little pieces.  Chew your food until it resembles baby food,  no, that's not enough, chew some more.  They prefer to have Grandpa give them lunch, can't imagine why.
My fear of choking is why I was horrified when Aiden's mom brought him over for the day along with a bag of sliced apples.  Holy Cow, apples?  I can't feel feed him apples, he'll choke.
Now, she feeds him apples all of the time, he gnaws at them and he doesn't choke.  His mom knows what she is doing and I know that, but it doesn't make me feel any better about ME feeding him apples.
And I do know for a fact that he will NOT choke on my watch.  He won't choke because I have a stash of baby food in my pantry.  And when Aiden's mom brings him snacks over, like crackers or apples I eat them myself and just keep quiet.  I will probably do that until Aiden is old enough to rat me out.
Deceitful, you say.  Maybe.
Safe and hazard free?  You betcha!


  1. Mom, I can understand the worry about home invasion and someone tying you two up with neckties. You do tend to attract the weirdos.

  2. I was just going to ask about the marbles - but Erin does have a point.